Why Women Refuse to Live by Double Standards — WordsByEkta🌿
"As You Are, So Am I": Why Women Refuse to Live by Double Standards
"A man joins a adult chat app out of 'curiosity.' No big deal — he's a man, after all. But when a woman does the same thing, she is 'shameless.'"
This one line, and the double standard it represents, perfectly captures a hypocrisy that millions of women live with. The very same act that society excuses for men becomes a mark of shame when a woman does it. And what's worse? This judgment often comes from men who call themselves liberal, open-minded, or sophisticated.
The film Aap Jaisa Koi brilliantly exposes this double standard by showing it in two different forms.
The "Open-Minded" Younger Brother
He is the personification of modern hypocrisy. He joins a adult chat app, telling himself it's nothing serious — just a man being a man. He ends up talking to a woman on the app. Later, he gets engaged.
When he realizes she was the same woman, his world collapses. He questions her character, breaks the engagement, and throws the age-old excuse at her: "I'm a man, men are like this only. But how could you…?"
The hypocrisy is blinding. His own choices don't count as mistakes, but hers are unforgivable. He even "forgives" her later, adding conditions and limits — as if her dignity depends on his permission.
But her reply cuts sharper than a knife: "Who are you to forgive me and set my limits?"
The Elder Brother: Everyday Patriarchy in Action
If the younger brother is hypocrisy in disguise, the elder brother is patriarchy in its most "normal" and accepted form.
He constantly cracks jokes at his wife's expense. He prides himself on "allowing" his MBA-educated daughter to study, while still reminding her she must learn household work — a reminder that women can dream, but only within boundaries set by men. He never shows affection, yet believes he is a good husband because he provides financially. He judges women who smoke, drink, or discuss politics.
His wife, in her late 40s, quietly runs a successful business from home. All the effort is hers, but the credit becomes his: "Who else in this world allows his wife to work at this age?"
This hypocrisy runs deeper:
- His brother, in his mid-40s, is "young, with his social life yet to start."
- His wife, in her late 40s, is "too old for a social life."
For men, 40 is a beginning. For women, it's often seen as an ending. Same number, different rules.
The Breaking Point
After years of mockery and invisibility, the wife finds love elsewhere — with a man who respects her individuality and sees her as more than just a caretaker.
Note: This post does not promote extramarital relationships either by men or women. It examines the emotional neglect and double standards that push people to breaking points — and asks us to reflect on what we call a "good marriage."
Society calls it an affair, rightly so but dismisses her pain. One man even remarks: "Her husband didn't do domestic violence. Why would she need an affair?" And there lies another cruel truth:
For men, the lowest bar is enough. "At least he didn't hit you." For women, the highest bar is demanded: unquestioning loyalty, silence, and sacrifice, no matter how unloved or unseen they feel.
Her words capture it best: "If I kept sending your 3 times food and timely medicines, you wouldn't even notice I'm not there."
In the end, her husband says: "Just apologize, I'll take you back." As if she's a possession to be returned, not a person with dignity and feelings.
Why "Men Are Like This Only" Is the Most Dangerous Phrase in a Marriage
Four words. A shrug. A lifetime of damage.
When a man's behavior is explained away with "men are like this only," it doesn't just excuse that one act — it closes the door on accountability entirely. It tells the woman: do not expect more. Do not ask for more. This is simply the nature of the creature you married, and your job is to adjust accordingly.
But notice what the same phrase never covers. A woman who is tired is not given "women are like this only." A woman who is angry is not told her feelings are just her nature. A woman who needs space, recognition, or affection is not granted the same biological shrug. Her needs are scrutinized. Her emotions are managed. Her behavior is corrected.
The phrase only ever travels in one direction — and that direction is always toward protecting the person who benefits from the excuse.
This is what makes it so effective and so corrosive at the same time. It sounds like acceptance. It sounds almost kind — like low expectations wrapped in tolerance. But what it actually does is cement a hierarchy: one person's flaws are inherent and unchangeable, while the other's needs are unreasonable and inconvenient.
A marriage built on that foundation is not a partnership. It is one person carrying the full weight of the relationship while the other is handed a permanent exemption from doing the same.
And when the person carrying all that weight finally sets it down — the world calls it betrayal. Not exhaustion. Not the inevitable consequence of years of being unseen. Betrayal.
That is the double standard the film names. And that is the one worth sitting with long after the credits roll.
The Real Question
This story isn't a rare one — it's painfully common. Patriarchy doesn't always roar — sometimes it whispers through "jokes," "permissions," and the casual phrase, "men are like this only." A marriage without respect, affection, and equality isn't a home — it's a duty disguised as family.
Real love has only one demand: "As you are, so am I." Anything less is not love — it's control.
✍️ Written by WordsByEkta🌿
🖋️ Emotional Storyteller | Writing what hearts never say aloud
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